i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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