Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
