Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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