Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
