my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Randomize
