Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
