so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
