Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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