I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Randomize
