Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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