3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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