Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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