Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
