i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
