I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
