so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
