I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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