is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
