just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
