come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
