I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
