I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
