Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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