I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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