The maid of honor just puked.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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