I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
