I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
