She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
