I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think my moral compass just broke
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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