I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
