haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
