dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
