There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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