I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
