If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
