Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
