You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You work out of a Hotel?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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