I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
