opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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