Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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