i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
