I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
