Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
