Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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