That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
