dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
