Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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