Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
