I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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