Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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