If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
