I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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